who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
