this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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