How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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