If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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