Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
