Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
