I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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