This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
