If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
