i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
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