my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
