I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
