remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
