thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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