i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
