i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
