well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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