Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
