talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
