Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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