Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
