She said her name was "party"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
