He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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