At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.