you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
