pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time