He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.