you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
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I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them