We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
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I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?