I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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