You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
