Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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