Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
