Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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