I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
