One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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