Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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