i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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