the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
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I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
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They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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