just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you had me at cake vodka
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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