What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I need water and some morals
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
