don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
