I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
