i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
