Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
