I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
