I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
