So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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