Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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