No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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