that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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