my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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