i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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