He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
