My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
