My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
