Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
