I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
