i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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