I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
