He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
