I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
