I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
