Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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