when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
