I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
