Do you still have your period?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
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Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize