I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
