Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
