Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
