What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
