i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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