I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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