Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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