I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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