Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
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he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
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Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.