Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying