You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
