dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.